arrangements

I took Tuesday off of work to take care of my daughter.

We had our family/maternity pictures taken in the morning. I can't wait to see the final product. Although I typically loath seeing myself in pictures, I always love to see pictures of my kids. Amelia was a champ at getting her picture taken. I wish I could say the same for Mr. Noah. Oh my, I hope he smiled in some of the shots! :)

We had a regular OB visit in the afternoon and again got to hear the sweetest sound,
little Amelia's heartbeat.
I am measuring a bit small...too bad I don't look it! But nothing out of the ordinary, so no additional ultrasounds so far (dang it). I have had some pretty intense contractions this past weekend that had me a bit nervous. Sunday night I tried to stay awake until Tim fell asleep so I could pack a hospital bag without freaking him out. I guess the contractions must have tapered off a bit because I was fast asleep long before he was. Another appointment in a week...

I just realized that as of Tuesday I am 35 weeks and 1 day preggers. That means we officially have less days left with Amelia, than weeks we have spent with her...a factoid I could have gone without knowing.

After our OB appointment, Tim and I went to the funeral home to make some arrangements for our darling Amelia. It was a visit, as you can imagine, that we had been putting off for some time. I wasn't sure if I would even be able to will myself to walk through the doors. Although I can honestly say that making funeral arrangements for my baby girl was the last plan I had intended to make for her, it was not as difficult as I would have thought. It was more surreal actually. I am still thinking to myself - this is not how it was supposed to be, I should not have been there, I should have been shopping for last minute feeding supplies or piling yet another pair of adorable pink baby shoes into my shopping cart, not picking out coffins and funeral programs.

Our hearts are heavy.

And still, we know that we do not walk this journey alone.
We will not grieve as those who have no hope.
We believe that God will wrap his arms around us as he has everyday of our lives.
He will walk with us into the furnace (thanks Jennifer), he will guard and protect us,
he will use us, as he uses our little Amelia,
to show the world
his power
his compassion
and his abundant blessings in all things.

God is good
all the time.


For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11