Wednesday, June 30, 2010

arrangements

I took Tuesday off of work to take care of my daughter.

We had our family/maternity pictures taken in the morning. I can't wait to see the final product. Although I typically loath seeing myself in pictures, I always love to see pictures of my kids. Amelia was a champ at getting her picture taken. I wish I could say the same for Mr. Noah. Oh my, I hope he smiled in some of the shots! :)

We had a regular OB visit in the afternoon and again got to hear the sweetest sound,
little Amelia's heartbeat.
I am measuring a bit small...too bad I don't look it! But nothing out of the ordinary, so no additional ultrasounds so far (dang it). I have had some pretty intense contractions this past weekend that had me a bit nervous. Sunday night I tried to stay awake until Tim fell asleep so I could pack a hospital bag without freaking him out. I guess the contractions must have tapered off a bit because I was fast asleep long before he was. Another appointment in a week...

I just realized that as of Tuesday I am 35 weeks and 1 day preggers. That means we officially have less days left with Amelia, than weeks we have spent with her...a factoid I could have gone without knowing.

After our OB appointment, Tim and I went to the funeral home to make some arrangements for our darling Amelia. It was a visit, as you can imagine, that we had been putting off for some time. I wasn't sure if I would even be able to will myself to walk through the doors. Although I can honestly say that making funeral arrangements for my baby girl was the last plan I had intended to make for her, it was not as difficult as I would have thought. It was more surreal actually. I am still thinking to myself - this is not how it was supposed to be, I should not have been there, I should have been shopping for last minute feeding supplies or piling yet another pair of adorable pink baby shoes into my shopping cart, not picking out coffins and funeral programs.

Our hearts are heavy.

And still, we know that we do not walk this journey alone.
We will not grieve as those who have no hope.
We believe that God will wrap his arms around us as he has everyday of our lives.
He will walk with us into the furnace (thanks Jennifer), he will guard and protect us,
he will use us, as he uses our little Amelia,
to show the world
his power
his compassion
and his abundant blessings in all things.

God is good
all the time.


For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

9 comments:

pennynjon said...

Oh, you had a busy day. I hope that your contractions stay gone and that you make it to your scheduled date (praying for this). I am sure your photos turned out great...please share some with us. I am sending extra prayers for you at this time. I know the last month of my pregnancy was really hard for me. ((Huge Hugs))

AmyV said...

I wish you were filling that cart with supplies too, and not at the funeral home. I am sure this last month is surreal and darn it not fair. I hope for a smooth arrival of Amelia and you to be able to hold your little girl on earth for as long as possible. Although you know she has her wings, may you get the opportunity to enjoy all Amelia is before her journey. Your photos I am sure look great! Definately post some so we can see. Thoughts and prayers and hugs.

Jennifer said...

I can not wait to see the pictures. I bet they are fantastic. I am so sorry that you had to go to the funeral home. I know that is no where close to where you wanted to be or what you wanted to be doing. I'm with Penny, I hope those contractions stay away for a good while yet! Praying for you to have time to make many more sweet memories and that God would flood you with peace. Hugs!

Jenny said...

I've been following your blog for quite some time but I don't think I've commented yet. Please know that I've been praying for you and your family and will continue to do so as you enter the next part of this journey.

Prayers,
Jenny

CynthiaS said...

I'm so glad you were able to get your maternity photos and like the other ladies, hope those contractions back off until your due date. Saying prayers for your family!

Anonymous said...

You are my hero. You give me strength. You and your amazing daughter have touched my heart in a way that can not be described. You are a wonderful, strong, and faithful woman that helps me see that even during a time of great hardship, there is good to come. Thank you.

Holly said...

I hope you share some of the maternity pics! I bet they will be lovely! I think the hardest part for me in dealing with all the arrangements was looking thru the brochure at little caskets. I think that's the only time I cried when we were at the funeral home.

elena said...

I am so glad that you got maternity pictures done, I bet they turned out really well! I had a few contractions around that time and I was also measuring small (due to Lilly being transverse). Praying for you and thinking of you as I know getting closer to the date is a very bittersweet time. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us and your amazing and beautiful heart. Amelia is so amazing and has touched the lives of many.

hugs
elena

Hannah Rose said...

beautiful post. i'm glad you got the pictures done. you will definitely treasure them always. if you haven't yet, you should go to a 3d/4d ultrasound place and get that done. it is so wonderful. they give you lots of pictures, a video of the 3d ultrasound, and other things. also, you should make sure you have her heartbeat recorded and maybe put it in a bear or something. i would also recommend getting a belly cast made. i'm sure you already know about this stuff, but i just want to make sure you do because you will always treasure these precious keepsakes.