I knew there would be unbearable things with this pregnancy.
Questions to answer.
Uncontrollable tears…in public.
Going to the hospital, leaving the hospital…
a half furnished nursery.
There are so many things.
Recently I have been asked more and more frequently by friends and strangers, nurses, my boss…
Variations of the same question,
“When are you due?”
Simple question. Innocent question.
Beyond painful question.
Unknowingly, what they are really asking is,
“What day is your daughter going to die?”
I want to scream,
But I swallow hard,
And then to protect my heart, I stop listening…
just in case I won’t be able to handle their response.
“I bet you're counting down the days”
“Those last weeks felt like I would be pregnant forever”
“You are so big, I bet you’ll go earlier than that…”
there is no way of getting around it, it just plain hurts.
the silence hurts
so much more than any words.
Selected verses of Lamentations 3 The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!”
The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him. So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.
For no one is abandoned by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion because of the greatness of his unfailing love. For he does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow.
Tim and I found out we were expecting in November of 2009 and could not have been more thrilled! A little scared as to how we were going to handle a 2 year old and a new baby, but thrilled.
We have always known that God had special plans for our children. March 15, 2010, at a routine 20 week ultrasound, Amelia was diagnosed with Anencephaly; a fatal neural tube defect said to affect one child for every 1000 births and 3 in 10,000 live births.
Knowing her life expectancy after birth was only minutes to hours, we chose to carry Amelia to term and created this blog/journal to record her short time here on earth.
We hope to use this blog as both a journal and record of Amelia's time with us here on earth and as a way to share with family and friends the day to day joys and sorrows of this pregnancy. We believe that life is a precious gift of God and rejoice in the blessings God has given in our children.
God is good.
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14
For a long time there were only your footprints and laughter in our dreams, and even from such small things, we knew we could not wait to love you forever. Brian Andreas