saying goodbye

Last night was the last baseball game
to be played at Rosenblatt Stadium.
I had hesitated to go back
to any of the last games played
at the Blatt following Amelia's death.
I wanted my last game there to be with her.

We have been to two Royals games
since that final College World Series game with her.

At the first game after she left us
I found myself just outside the gates
feeling as if I was betraying her by coming.
And then I saw it,
a butterfly
winding it way trough the gates
and into the netting of the "try your speed" batting cage.
A gentle reminder that though we had to go on apart
Amelia is still
and always will be
with us.

Last night, at the final game
I again felt the sting of her absence.
I wished so badly
that we could have shared this last game with her,
along with a lifetime of memories as a family.
As we made our way back to the car
a deep sadness came over me.
She should have been here with us!

Waiting in our car was a gift from our friends Joe & Mary.
Joe had told me to wait to open it
until we got home from the game.
He had meant to give it to me before Amelia was born.
As I pushed aside the tissue paper
a smile made its way across my face,
it was a pink baseball bat and ball, engraved with her name.
Yet another perfectly timed,
sweet reminder that our baby girl,
is with us still.