Thursday, April 15, 2010

prayers

The first Sunday after we received Amelia’s diagnosis a sweet woman from our church stopped me for a hug and shared with me that she had been praying for our little baby; praying that God would heal her. I’m not sure what I said in response other than thanking her, but I do remember being left unsettled by the conversation. I hadn’t really prayed for God to heal her…

In the days following, I tossed about the conflict that I felt in asking God to heal Amelia. I did not feel that praying for that kind of miracle was appropriate. Hadn’t God already made up his mind? Wasn’t her life already written in his book? Was I a bad mother not to pray for her to be healed?

God doesn’t make mistakes-does he?

God doesn’t make mistakes. Amelia is not a mistake. Her condition has a purpose in God’s greater plan. Her life has great purpose. To ask for God to heal her is to bold of a prayer for me. Who am I to ask this! Do I believe that God could heal her if he chose to do so? Absolutely. Do I believe that he will heal her and let her stay here with us on earth? No, I don’t.

It hurts. It is so very hard. But we have to trust in God.

Forget about "why?" and fix your eyes on "who."

But I am trusting you, O Lord saying, “You are my God!” My future is in your hands. Psalm 31:14-15

2 comments:

Elena said...

You are not a "bad" mother at all. And no God doesn't make mistakes. I fully believe He knows what He is doing, and sometimes its not for us to understand or question. I think your trust in God and your Faith is amazing! I have not studied the bible as much as I should but I LOVE following your blog as you quote scripture. It helps me through my tough times. You are inspirational! Thank you!

love and prayers
elena

Holly said...

When I was pregnant with Carleigh I never prayed for her to be healed. I just prayed for some time with her in my arms alive, but that didn't happen and honestly it ended up not mattering to me at all.

I don't think our babies are mistakes at all but beautiful and perfect.