When Job's three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him.When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.
I have to admit that I am not the greatest comforter to those facing hardship or loss. I NEVER know what to say. When I do have some sentiment to share with those I love who are in pain, I can rarely work up to courage to offer up those words. I often have found myself wishing there was something I could do, but always keep my distance justifying it with thoughts like, I shouldn’t bother them right now or they really don’t need me, we aren’t that close, I don’t know what to say…
I am learning everyday that I am wrong more often than I am right.
When you are hurting, silence can be immensely painful and discouraging.
I have never been more grateful to be “bothered” with someone’s emails or words of encouragement or their tears. I received some insight on this by the Mommy’s I have met who have carried and cared for a child knowing that their baby’s time on earth was limited. What I have heard, and felt myself, is that often they have felt avoided or as if they were the elephant in the room. Grief and pain is uncomfortable for everyone: this I now understand intimately.
It is difficult for me to share my pain with others. I hate the thought of burdening someone with the pain I carry and on the flip side, I worry that they might be uncomfortable with the joy I have in Amelia. It is a strange position to be in. Questions wiz through my mind in anticipation of conversation with each person I greet… do they know about my sweet baby, will I have to explain, how much do they really want to hear…
That being said, I LOVE to talk about my baby Amelia and I love it when people ask about her! Tim and I have appreciated DEEPLY each card, phone call, email, prayer, blog comment, hug, hand shake, kind gesture, gift and thought. Every time I see an email in my inbox that mentions Amelia I smile, ear to ear. We know how difficult it can be to reach out. Know that your effort and actions have brightened our day.
I cannot resist mentioning a few of the things people have done that have left a mark on my heart:
Joe (and sweet Mary) – for making time to talk to me everyday about Amelia, for planning a blood drive in her honor, reading her blog faithfully
Ash – your phone calls, hat hunting, tears, devotion to your babies (in and out of the belly)…
Brian – talking me through final planning, calling my Gigi, reading Gigi entries from her great-granddaughter’s blog
My Lolo – who lives and fights-I know where Amelia gets her strength, calling my Gigi and my mommy, talking with me about my angel baby
Jean – How come you didn’t go into nursing? Can anyone love through service like you?!?!?
Gigi – showing us all what the name “Mother” means, you are a gift from God and I treasure you.
Angee – there is no room to list the half of it! Answering questions, finding the answers to questions, being my baby’s advocate, the comfort I feel knowing that you will be there when she arrives...
Jill – your prayers, your phone calls, your faith, your mother
Leslie – your tears and anger
Kate and ^Morgan^ – for listening, sharing, inspiring…you will never know
Stephanie P – for the two little preemie outfits for our angel baby, for your questions and virtual belly rubs ;)
Amy V – your thoughtful comments on Amelia’s bog, and prayers
The Aunts (and uncles) – no one has a family like ours! You are the glue. I love you.
Pastor Jank – a true Shepherd, your prayers, kind words, gift of music, bible study topics, sermons and smile.
Steve & Sara – for agreeing to photograph Amelia. Priceless treasures.
Dr. Kirsch, Dr. Barsoom & JoAnna – You will never know how the gift of medicine and compassion that God has given you has CHANGED the lives the people you serve.
My pregnant friends (sisters really) whose joy is my joy.
Ohhh, I never should have started listing-this could be the longest blog entry ever!!!
EVERYONE who has sent a card or email, and keeps sending them!
EVERYONE who has spoke with me on the phone, and keeps calling!
EVERYONE who has reached out to my parents
All the mommies who have shared their story and their precious babies lives’ with me.
Forever in my heart...
Renee & ^Amanda^, Julie & ^Lyndan^, Elena & ^Lilly^
I Left Three Behind at the Grave
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