Wednesday, March 02, 2011

30 Weeks - big things

This week we passed yet another milestone.
7 Months since we held our daughter in our arms.
7 Months since we said hello and good bye.
7 Months since I heard her sweet little baby voice.
Words elude me once again.
Our grief is still so heavy,
in moments it seems that maybe the sting has lessened
I almost think to myself, was it just a dream?
But then reality finds me.
I can just be standing in our bathroom
and I find my eyes burning with tears
stomach knotted tight
and my lips mouthing,
"oh God Tim, our baby..."
and I am back right where I began
broken
at the foot of the cross
crying out for mercy, forgiveness and healing.

We have some big things around the corner.
I am hoping you will pray for us as we prepare for the 2nd ultrasound in our nuchal translucency screening.
The ultrasound is this coming Monday, March 7th.
Pray for peace for us as we count down the days in anticipation.
That our Lord calm our troubled hearts as we battle our fears and place our trust and hope in the one who has our names inscribed in His hands. Grant our medical providers the skill and compassion needed for all those in their care. And please pray that no matter the outcome of this ultrasound and testing, that our Lord be glorified in every heartbeat, every tear and every whispered prayer.

I plan on taking the day off work that day.
I have been asked to address the staff of Nebraska Organ Recovery in Omaha about Anenecephaly, our experience with organ donation and carrying our sweet Amelia.
I will speak to them at 9:30am.
Will you pray for that speaking engagement as well?
Pray that my words and our story will open doors, minds and hearts of their staff, some of whom may have never heard of this condition. And again please pray that God be given the glory with every heartbeat, every tear and every whispered prayer.

My prayer remains the same,
the words are simple and I often just repeat them over and over again, "Use me Lord, use me."

8 comments:

Kara said...

Such humbling and honest words - "Use me, Lord, use me." Praying for your upcoming sono, for a spirit of peace to be upon you, and for your words to make an eternal impact on those who hear them. BIG HUGS BACK!

Jennifer said...

Melissa this was so beautiful. God has to be so proud of you and your words for Him to use you. He has you know...In more ways than you will ever know. He has used you, Amelia, Tim and Noah. You have made such an impact on my life. Your grace and humility are an inspiration. I am praying for your U/S Monday. We are having one Monday also. I am also praying for you as you speak. Love you my friend.

Stacy said...

All that comes to mind when I read this is that God certainly knew what He was doing when He entrusted Amelia to your care. You continue to inspire me. I've been praying daily for your u/s and will pray for your talk as well. What a blessing to be able to open their eyes to the gift our babies are... Were you able to gift Amelia's heart valves? I have yet to read back that far in your posts. You are amazing... your u/s is going to be amazing and your talk amazing...because you, your new baby and your speech are all God ordained and He is amazing! love you <3 Stacy

Holly said...

Sending you many prayers-for you, your baby, and speaking. God will use you!

pennynjon said...

Will be praying for you. ((hugs))

Amy von Oven said...

I just found your blog, and GOd has amazing things in store for you...As hard is it is for parents like you and I to let go of our children I find peace in knowing my angel is safe in Gods hands....Praying for you in this journey...Amy

CynthiaS said...

Praying for you!!!

Brooke said...

Oh friend, just praying for you. I am wondering what the second nucal screening is? We just did a 10 week peek at our baby's head....and all looks nice and ROUND!!!! I'm so excited ...but trying not to live in fear about all the what ifs....

The Lord is already using your journey and your life in big ways...I will continue to pray about that!!