30 Weeks - big things

This week we passed yet another milestone.
7 Months since we held our daughter in our arms.
7 Months since we said hello and good bye.
7 Months since I heard her sweet little baby voice.
Words elude me once again.
Our grief is still so heavy,
in moments it seems that maybe the sting has lessened
I almost think to myself, was it just a dream?
But then reality finds me.
I can just be standing in our bathroom
and I find my eyes burning with tears
stomach knotted tight
and my lips mouthing,
"oh God Tim, our baby..."
and I am back right where I began
broken
at the foot of the cross
crying out for mercy, forgiveness and healing.

We have some big things around the corner.
I am hoping you will pray for us as we prepare for the 2nd ultrasound in our nuchal translucency screening.
The ultrasound is this coming Monday, March 7th.
Pray for peace for us as we count down the days in anticipation.
That our Lord calm our troubled hearts as we battle our fears and place our trust and hope in the one who has our names inscribed in His hands. Grant our medical providers the skill and compassion needed for all those in their care. And please pray that no matter the outcome of this ultrasound and testing, that our Lord be glorified in every heartbeat, every tear and every whispered prayer.

I plan on taking the day off work that day.
I have been asked to address the staff of Nebraska Organ Recovery in Omaha about Anenecephaly, our experience with organ donation and carrying our sweet Amelia.
I will speak to them at 9:30am.
Will you pray for that speaking engagement as well?
Pray that my words and our story will open doors, minds and hearts of their staff, some of whom may have never heard of this condition. And again please pray that God be given the glory with every heartbeat, every tear and every whispered prayer.

My prayer remains the same,
the words are simple and I often just repeat them over and over again, "Use me Lord, use me."