Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Amelia's day

We had an OB appointment yesterday afternoon.
For the most part it was routine;
pee in a cup, check blood pressure,
listen to that gorgeous heartbeat.
Yup, pretty normal, except one small detail.
The time had come to schedule my c-section.
For weeks choosing this date has brought an overwhelming amount of anxiety.
Largely due to the fact that while we are scheduling a day
to meet our precious Amelia face to face,
we are also choosing the day that will, more likely than not,
be the day of her death.
In sticking with our intention
to follow the plans we had made for Amelia before her diagnosis,
we have chosen to schedule her c-section at 39 weeks,
unless God has another day in mind,
our Amelia Grace will enter this world
Wednesday, July 28th, 2010.
Dr. Kirsch thinks it will be first thing in the morning.
At first I thought....well, more than likely we won't be sleeping much the night before, let alone able to sleep in, so what does it matter how early he schedules us!
But, as we left the doctors office
Tim confided that he had quietly hoped we could deliver her in late in the evening.
When I asked him why he offered up a response that I was not expecting...
He explained,
if she is born late in the day, her life might span 2 days.
I was touched in that moment in a way I cannot describe.
2 days.
the honor of a dash between the moments that make up her life here on earth...
What does 2 days really mean?
Does that dash really offer anymore significance to her life than a single day on her marker?
We have prayed for the time the Lord gives us with our daughter
to be peaceful and painless, however short that time may be.
We know that the Lord's plan
will be the best plan for our sweet Amelia and for our family.
At the end of the day, possibly the end of that day,
Amelia's life will have impacted us and countless others
in a profound way.
So profound, that it cannot be lessened by the absence of a dash on her tombstone.
Whether she is born still or stays here on earth with us for minutes, hours or days;
a dash, or lack of dash will not sum up her life.
God has used her life for so much more than a dash,
and we will rejoice in that.
Open for me the gates of righteousness;
I will enter and give thanks to the LORD. 

This is the gate of the LORD
through which the righteous may enter.

I will give you thanks, for you answered me;
you have become my salvation.

The stone the builders rejected
has become the capstone;

the LORD has done this,
and it is marvelous in our eyes.

This is the day the LORD has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Psalm 118:19-24


AmyV said...

Your birth plan, and all the details of picking a day for your precious daughter I am sure is difficult. Amelia knows love, she has got one awesome family.

Jennifer said...

Melissa, I am praying for you and your family. Amelia already has touched so many...She will continue to touch people well past her birthday. Love and hugs sent your way! Just know that there are so many thinking about you and praying for your entire family.

pennynjon said...

I am praying for you Melissa. I remember that feeling when we chose a date. I hope that you get a lot of time with Amelia. She is so blessed to have such great parents that love her so much! ((Hugs))

Mary said...

I remember when I went in for an appointment the doctor telling me he wanted to induce, due to the extra fluid. It was so hard to decide what day. I wish I could have been as calm and sure of things as you seem to be. I will keep your family in my prayers.

CynthiaS said...

I am aching for you and hope that the next few weeks are peaceful for you. Through this we have all learned such a different way to live and view life. No matter how much time Amelia has outside of the womb, you will treasure it forever!

Anonymous said...

Praying for you and your family, Melissa. I take great comfort in knowing that The Comforter has you all wrapped up in His arms. Much love to you... Leah Heinauer

Kara said...

How beautifully written. I remember feeling that way too. And God and Karinne had a different plan since I went into labor and she came 2 1/2 weeks before our scheduled day. I pray that God will grant you abundant love and peacefulness on the day of her birth.

Unknown said...

Beautifully touching post!!! I will be thinking of you this coming week and be praying for you and your family.

Amelia has impacted my life profoundly as well as her mommy :)I feel blessed to know you both. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

love and many hugs