When Noah falls (or more commonly smashes) into something and gets a boo-boo, he usually wants his mommy to make it feel better. As the sobs calm and the tears slow, we both look to Tim to do only one thing; fix it.
That's is what Tim does; he fixes things.
Sometimes his is able to fix something for me just by attempting to fix it.
On this journey there have been difficult days.
I have watched my husband struggle alongside me.
I can see his frustration and I know
he desperately wants to fix it.
But he can't.
He carries a heavy load as Super Dad.
He makes the forts, fixes the broken toys, and drives the car safely through the storms.
He's not perfect,
but Noah doesn't know that and neither does Amelia.
Sometimes I forget too...
Yesterday we had regular OB visit in the afternoon followed by a visit to Bergan Mercy to tour the new labor & delivery rooms/floor with our "nurse Angee" and then met with a hospice nurse and neonatologist to go over our plans for Amelia's birthday.
There were so many parts of yesterday that were challenging.
Not the least of which,
viewing the gowns the hospital has on hand
for babies like Amelia.
Gowns for babies whose parents did not come
to the hospital
prepared for a funeral.
Tim had to turn away.
This hurt is sometimes more than we can bear.
Sometimes I think about the sadness our Lord must feel
for us as we stumble through this life.
Just like any father
cannot stand to see their child hurting,
it must be hard, even for Him
to watch us hurting
knowing he has the power to heal Amelia.
Knowing he can fix it.
He has a plan for us.
He does not delight in our pain.
He just knows and sees what we cannot.
He has already fixed it.
My thoughts race back to Noah...
When he falls;
we pick him up and patch up whatever damage has been done
Apply a band aide,
a cold pack,
Sometimes his tears last long beyond what is reasonable.
But we let him cry it out.
It hurts to watch him,
but we just hold him until he is ready
to admire his Thomas the Train band aid
and everything feels
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
2 Corinthians 4:16-18