Friday, August 06, 2010


When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.” But I say unto you, they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed. Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
-Kahlil Gibran

I have returned to this text over and over again. It is one of the few "non biblical" texts that offers truth and hope in the midst of an unbearable amount of sadness.

I hurt because she is gone,
I rejoice because she was here.
which is greater?
which will I allow to overtake me
and leave me breathless?
I choose joy.
I choose Amelia.

It has been difficult to blog over the past 9 days.
I have wanted to
but all I can think to type is
it hurts so much
it hurts so, so, very much.
But there is much more to say
and so much more that I am feeling...

did you see her lips?
I have dreams about them.
They were so luscious
that we even noticed them in the ultrasounds!
Tim and I both have very thin lips.
We have no idea where they came from
but we love/d them.

Oh my, those lips.
I have never loved any lips more in my life. (sorry Tim)


Stephanie said...

She really was just breath taking!

I ache with you and for you...I remember and still live in those moments of "after my Amelia" because that is the reality of death.

Most days I still feel numb and then there is that flash of vivid memory.

Your Amelia was truly perfect...even my husband (whom I told all about you) stated that her lips were like a cherub's. That was over a week ago...when you first shared her photos here.

I so wish I were close by, just to sit and listen. Cry and rejoice with you. Our Amelia's are not with us and that hurt isn't supposed to fade away.

bethany actually said...

Amelia was completely beautiful, especially her lips! I did notice them. :-)

Thank you so much for sharing the photos with us. I couldn't help but notice that the main emotion I saw on all the faces in the photos was radiant, overwhelming joy. How wonderful that you are choosing joy in remembering your daughter too.

You're all in my prayers!

Jennifer said...

Her beautiful lips are the first thing I noticed. She really is just stunning! I know your arms ache to hold her. You are constantly in my prayers. xoxo

pennynjon said...

Her beautiful lips were the first thing I saw when I looked at that photo. She is adorable! I KNOW that she got a lot of kisses on those sweet lips:) ((hugs))

Lori said...

She was gorgeous!! Just amazing and perfect and gorgeous!!

I've been lifting you in prayer as my heart hurts knowing a bit how painful yours is in these days right after...the disbelief and reality setting in at the same time and wondering how those two can exist. I think the quote at the beginning of this post is so true and I am overjoyed you choose joy.

It is a choice, and in these hours and days, it is so hard sometimes. Praying for your strength to continue to do so!

AmyV said...

I love this picture. Her lips were amazing, I noticed them too. Your pictures reflect a calming joy, its simply beautiful. Thinking about you and your family as you face the days ahead learning to cope without your daughter. Those moments you were able to snuggle with your daughter were a choice. You chose to accept her, in full. I hope others can learn from your story, although so very hard to deal with, your Amelia deserved her moment. Her moment will shine in your and our hearts forever. Sending out hugs and prayers.

Hannah Rose said...

I really like that text. Thank you for sharing it.

Precious, precious picture. Beautiful little Amelia Grace. If you need to simply say, "it hurts so, so much," you say it. We are hear to listen no matter what words your heart needs to say.

My heart breaks with yous. I see that the Lord is going to continue using your family's story in profound ways...big, beautiful ways you can't even imagine right now. You are already blessing so many with your hope. With your joy. Thank you for sharing your story with all of us

Unknown said...

Amelia has beautiful lips!!! I definitely noticed them :). I have not been blogging either in the last week or does hurt. This post is very true to my heart in that I am right there as far as thinking as you said "I hurt because she is gone, I rejoice because she was here" and I, like you, choose joy, although the pain is there too, the joy is greater. *hugs* *hugs* *hugs*

Unknown said...

Her lips are beautiful and perfect for kisses!!

I really like the quote that you shared and I do think that joy and sorrow reside with each other.