Wednesday, March 31, 2010

One of Many...Amelia's Song

God, Who Made the Earth and Heaven
By: Reginald Heber

God, who made the earth and heaven,
Darkness and light.
You the day for work have given,
For rest the night.
May your angel guards defend us,
Slumber sweet your mercy send us,
Holy dreams and hopes attend us
All through the night.

And when morn again shall call us
To run life’s way,
May we still, whatever befall us,
Your will obey.
From the power of evil hide us,
In the narrow pathway guide us,
Never be your smile denied us
All through the day.

Guard us waking, guard us sleeping,
And when we die,
May we in your mighty keeping
All peaceful lie.
When the last dread call shall wake us,
Then, O Lord, do not forsake us,
But to reign in glory take us
With you on high.

This song was a selection on a CD given out at Mount Olive's Vacation Bible School last summer. Noah loves it, so it plays endlessly in the Pilot. The Thursday morning after we had been told of Amelia's condition and were still unsure of how we should handle the news, the pregnancy, and her life, God spoke to me through this song sung in the voice of a child. I was moved and suddenly it became clear what God was leading us to do. Although it would not be an easy journey (in the narrow pathway guide us) we did not have to travel it alone or in fear. I think I always knew what God was asking us to do but the pain and fear and Satan were muffling God's voice. Some days I am still afraid of many things. But God has not, and will not fail us. Daily I ask for strength, courage, peace, safety, and guidance and he grants it to me. Our God is an awesome God!

Little Amelia has work yet to do and so do we. May will all be granted the ability to listen and allow God's will to be done in our lives. "The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

Small but Mighty

"Each of us, no matter how small, has been placed on this earth to help spread the good news of God's love and His grace. He has gone to prepare a place for us. We can only imagine the joy that waits us as we join him and all the saints in heaven after our work on earth is done according to God's plan."

This morning I received an email from my aunt and uncle in North Platte which included the above blurb. On the way into the office today it struck me that Amelia, although small, and destined for only moments on this earth, has already impacted our lives in so many ways. How can it be that someone so small could raise so many voices in prayer, in song, in joy, and in sorrow to the heavens?

Already she has changed my view of the world; its beauty and fragility. She has drawn our family closer to each other and closer to Christ. She has caused me to surrender to Christ. (a daily struggle for us type A'ers) I start my day, end my day and live my day in constant conversation with God. I look at Noah and I am overwhelmed at the miracle of children and that God has entrusted him to Tim & my care. She has lead me to share the scripture that is strengthening me daily on Facebook, thus sharing the word with hundreds each morning. She has taught me to love in a way I had no idea I was physically capable of. I truly could and will go on for ages in awe of the blessings God has granted through her life, no matter how small.

He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20

Monday, March 29, 2010

plan to be still

There have been many prayers, tears and joy in the 2 weeks since we first learned of our precious baby girl's condition. Last week Tim and I met with Dr. Kirsch (our OB) and shared with him our "plan" for Amelia's birth and life. The long and short - We plan to carry her to term and deliver her via c-section. She is a miraculous work of the Lord (the meaning of Amelia) and we are honored to care for her until God takes her home to rest in the arms of her heavenly father.

As I type, Amelia is rolling and kicking away. I am in awe of God's creation.

What a roller coaster the past few weeks have been. I'm not sure where to start (I know, I know, me at a loss for words is hard to fathom!)

I suppose I could list all of the emotions and ranges of those emotions that I have felt,

I could list all of the people who have comforted, educated, strengthened, surrounded, and uplifted me,

I could and should say thank you to those people (you will never know how much you have given with the smallest act of kindness or the simplist of prayers),

I could delve into my grief, my guilt, my fears, my OCD and planning, my hopes...

I think for today I will just be still and feel my baby girl move.

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Sad News

Friends and Family,

Tim and I have some difficult news to share. Yesterday at our 20 week ultrasound the radiologist noticed some indications that our baby was not developing properly. After a consult with the Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor at Bergan Mercy, it was concluded that our daughter has a condition called Anencephaly and will not survive outside of the womb. We are faced with some difficult days ahead and ask for your prayers as we face this tragedy. We are prayerfully considering our options and grieving, and trust entirely in God's grace, love and plan for our family.

We have named our beautiful daughter Amelia Grace Lorang and will continue to care for and love her for as long as she is with us.