Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Will she be there?

Last week the date was set for my c-section
and for Sam's birth day.
Pending good amnio results our OB
has scheduled the surgery for Thursday, July 21st.
We had been planning on waiting until after Amelia's birthday
(if we were able)
but it appears that is no longer a possibility.
Hopefully this date will allow a safe delivery of a healthy baby boy,
and our family (including Sam) to be out of the hospital in time to do the things we have planned for Amelia's 1st birthday.

It would be impossible to describe the range of emotions that are sweeping over me as Sam and Amelia's birthdays approach, so I won't even try today...

There is however, one little thing I did want to share.
As Tim and I finalized our plans for our hospital stay
and c-section date
I wondered out loud,
"Do you believe she will be there when Sam is born?"
I rambled on, I mean do you believe she will actually be present? Will she be watching, do you think of her as a guardian angel?
Do you hope she isn't? Pray, praise and give thanks that she is blissfully unaware of the remainder of our earthly days while she rests peacefully in Jesus arms?

Maybe it will not come as much of a surprise
but I have to tell you...
As our conversation paused,
a single butterfly came into view along the roadside as we drove.
I love me some God winks!!!

Tim admitted he didn't have the answers I sought.
but, someday
someday we will.

I think our worldly nature pulls us to believe whatever brings the most comfort. Some people prefer to believe that "there are holes in the floor of heaven" or that their love ones are now acting as their "guardian angels."

I would have to say my heart and my faith leads me to believe that our Lord has revealed everything to little Amelia; the past, the present and the future. Time is irrelevant in heaven. She is completely happy in the presence of Jesus. There are no tears because she has already seen the ending of His story and each of our loved one's place in that story. She already knows Sam. She does not feel compelled to guard him. She looks to Jesus and knows - He's got it covered.

Will she be present on the day Sam is born?
In my heart of hearts, I don't think she will.
but that doesn't really bother me...
Will she be on our hearts?
every single second.

”For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd;
he will lead them to springs of living water.
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."
Revelation 7:17


Rachel's Mama said...

Melissa, you have me bawling right now... I'm so with you on all of these thoughts & feelings about the unknown of heaven, but the known Truth about our God. I LOVE how you worded that about time... it's so true. The other day I posted about not believing Rachel is concerned with me down here and I have had MANY people try to correct me in an attempt to make me feel "better" - saying stuff like she is concerned with how you feel. I just don't buy it and I don't really know why since I've yet to read one way or the other in the bible. In reality, it's the most comforting (unselfish) thought there is to know she's not worried about a thing. If only my children here didn't have to worry or have sadness and pain. I think the concept of time in heaven, the way you explained it is hard for our humanness to grasp. Thank you for once again putting something hard to understand into the perfect words. I am always in awe of your unselfish love for your children and am so thankful to "know" your family. I can imagine these next few weeks will be difficult and beautiful for you... it is both for me watching how gracefully and honestly you are walking through this time. love you.

Lisette said...

These days are going to be so overwhelming for your family but I really do believe and hope that Amelia will be present with you as her brother arrives. I wondered that to. We delivered Emma only 2 doors down from Sami's delivery room, I was emotional but when it really happened I felt her there. It was pretty amazing and I hope you experience the same thing. I am so happy for you and praying for a safe delivery. ((HUGS))

Kara said...

Like Stacy, I was bawling too as I read this post. I too feel and wonder and think these same things. Praying for you sweet momma as you get ready for Sam's arrival and Amelia's 1st birthday. I know the many emotions I am going through as our Little One is due to arrive in just over a month - so I can imagine the rollercoaster of emotions you are on. Big Hugs my sweet friend!

Jennifer said...

Great post! I think Amelia is with you everyday. I often think about Heaven these days also. I am marking my calendar for Mr. Sam's arrival! I can not wait to see pictures. Thinking about you and praying for peace these next few weeks! Love you!

pennynjon said...

I can't believe it is almost time for you to meet Sam. I think that Amelia will be there with you, but like you I don't really know. I will be praying for you and your family as you approach and the birthdays of both of your babies. ((hugs))