“Now listen, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.’ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.”
Amelia has blessed my life in so many ways. I doubt I will ever truly see all the ways in which God used her time with us and our time without her to bless our family. As I approach the end of this pregnancy with Sam and creep up all to quickly on the one year anniversary of Amelia's birth and death, I thought it appropriate to begin a series of reflections on a few of the specific ways our Lord has used her brief but impactful life to change me, mold me and move me.
While I was pregnant with her I was blessed daily by a strong lesson in what it means to live in the moment. What it means to treasure the things that really matter, the moments that make a life well lived. We only had moments with Amelia and I was determined to make the most of those moments.
All to often I live my life focusing on the tasks ahead of me, the great things that lie ahead rather than the infinite blessings right in front of me. The desires of my heart become more and more worldly and I lose sight of what really matters. It is all to easy to do in the fast paced, consumption based society in which we live.
In those months with Amelia it was never more clear what it meant to be a mother to my children. My "work" was laid out before me and because I could not bear the weight of losing her I was able to give it all up to God. It took Amelia's diagnosis to really bring me to my knees and refocus my heart.
Living in the moment seems like a fairly simple thing to put into practice. It is a way of living and prioritizing that has guided me in several aspects of my life, particularly in relationships. I have even been led astray a bit by the ideology once or twice, applying it to justify impulsive and reckless behavior. My time with Amelia broadened my understanding of what it means to "be in the moment." Maybe that's putting it lightly...
God used my pregnancy with her to reveal the daily, infinite blessings of being a mother. To fill me with the deepest of joy that can come only when you pour your entire heart and soul into just one thing; into just one person.
And I realized something in loving Amelia. The way we loved her, spent time with her, focused our family on her...that's the way God want us to feel & live for Him. To center every aspect of our lives around Him. To live our lives as if there's no tomorrow;
at least not here on earth.
I think I could type for hours and feel as if I haven't expressed this sweet lesson in living & loving that is emblazoned in her name on my heart. For now, this post will have to do.
Miss you sweet girl.
Thanking our Lord every single moment that He chose me to carry you; to call you Daughter.
Until we meet again...