You Are Beautiful

One of my blogger friends posted this MercyMe song recently. Although this song is about much more than baby loss, the message I heard when I listened to this song, was for our Amelia.
Having had the privilege of carrying Amelia Grace, I was challenged in many ways. Though there are a few things I would have done a bit differently looking back, I have no regrets in regards to carrying her to term. As the mother of a child with a condition such as Anencephaly I had some concerns about what it would be like on the day she was born, more specifically about the way should would look.

Despite any fears, I knew I would love her, just as she was, despite her imperfect skull, her open wound and "anencephalic" characteristics. My fears about her appearance were intensely "motherly." For the most part, I was fearful of others reaction to her. Would they shudder? Would they stare in morbid curiosity? Would they pity her? Ultimately would they think less of her, love her less because she was not a picture perfect infant?

I knew they would not see her as Tim, Noah and I did, with unconditional love. I was and am still VERY protective of my daughter. Tim and I were cautious of the photos on display at her service. Cautious not because we felt a need to hide her Anencephaly, but because we didn't want her defect to inhibit others from seeing just how beautiful she really was. Maybe it was too overprotective of us. Maybe we were inadvertently sending a message that we were ashamed of how she looked...

None of that matters now.
No doubt she is healed and playing at the feet of our Lord. Just as we will all be healed and made beautiful someday. For Tim and I, it's hard to imagine her as anything less than perfect; just as she was on the day of her birth and just as she is now, in heaven.

Miss you so much beautiful girl!




Beautiful - MercyMe
The days will come when you don't have the strength
When all you hear is you're not worth anything
Wondering if you ever could be loved
And if they truly saw your heart they'd see too much

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful

I'm praying that you have the heart to find
Cause you are more than what is hurting you tonight
For all the lies you've held inside so long
And they are nothing in the shadow of the cross

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are made so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful

Before you ever took a breath
Long before the world began
Of all the wonders He possessed
There was one more precious
Of all the earth and skies above
You're the one He madly loves
Enough to die

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
In His eyes

You're beautiful
You were meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You're meant for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful
You're beautiful
You are treasured, You are sacred, You are His


Don't forget to pause the music at the bottom of Amelia's blog before playing the video!