Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Happy Birthday?

I continue to be caught unaware by things that trigger my grief.
There are the obvious Wednesday things,
Baby's First Christmas things,
Baby's First Thanksgiving things,
just straight up baby things...so, so many things.

But this morning I woke up and found myself again at a loss.
Today is a milestone in my life.
Today I turn 30.
I could blame my feelings of angst and agony at the day
on the roll over from my twenties
to my thirties...
but the blame would be misplaced.
Today I am heartbroken --correction remain heartbroken.

Today is not the Happy Birthday of my youth,
it's just another day without Amelia.

And still, the joy and sorrow cannot be separated.
Today I will laugh and cry, lots.
There is so much to be thankful for today.
Not the least of these,
today I am one day closer to her and to Him.

6 comments:

Andrea B said...

Happy Birthday Melissa ♥

Amelia is looking down from heaven and wishing her mommy a very Happy Birthday! She's loves you if you're in your twenties, thirties or even your fourties! ;) You will always be her beautiful mommy, until the day you are able to be beside her celebrating together.

Love always,

Andrea

Jennifer said...

Happy Birthday my friend! I know today is very bittersweet! It truly amazes me and probably always will how we can experience joy and sorrow at the same time! Sending much love and big hugs to you today!

Lisette said...

Happy Birthday to you. I know it's not how you imagined this day to be but know you are in my thoughts and prayers ((HUGS)).

pennynjon said...

Huge Hugs to you Melissa! I know today had to be hard. I hope you did have a Happy Birthday as possible- I know you wish it were different.
Love you!

Debby@Just Breathe said...

Happy Birthday. ((HUGS))

elena said...

Happy Birthday! You amaze me with your words as always I am humbled by them. *hug*