Tuesday, December 14, 2010

daytime nightmares

It is daytime but it's completely dark all around us.
I am standing outside surrounded by women
and we are all waiting for something,
we are all hopeful and desperate
we have all been here before
but started our journey in the light
not the darkness that surrounds us here.
No one speaks
but we all know why were are gathered here in this place
we don't have to speak,
we just wait

Suddenly I feel a warmth in my hand
I glace down to see a small star cradled in my palms.
It's my turn...
Go, run as fast as you can the women surrounding me urge.
Go, go, you must go now!
I can't believe I got my star! - how long have I been waiting?
has it been moments, years?
I start to run, faster and faster.
My sides ache, my chest throbs.
All around me are women walking, jogging, running
some have stoped to check on their stars;
are they still a glow?

And then it starts to rain.
We all desperately try to keep our little stars dry
and glowing.
Some women hide,
some run faster into the darkness ahead,
others begin to wail.
They cry out for help, for light, for their star...
I can't even bare to check on my star.
Is is still a glow? I'm not sure.
I decide to just run, not look back, not look down
it's still warming my palms, so I just keep running

Some of the women beside me stop suddenly
they look panicked,
I gasp as see,
their stars are no longer lit.
They must return and wait
for another star to carry,
they are the broken hearted, broken again.
I reach out for them, just come with me,
your star still has some light, I say,
I can see it!
It just has to glow...
I long to return with them, but my feet only move
faster and forward.
With just the star in my palm to light my way,
all I know to do is pray;
Glow little star, please glow.

I will make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and will give them all these lands, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed
Genesis 26:4

In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the LORD, weeping bitterly. And she made a vow, saying, “LORD Almighty, if you will only look on your servant’s misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.”
As she kept on praying to the LORD, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was praying in her heart, and her lips were moving but her voice was not heard. Eli thought she was drunk and said to her, “How long are you going to stay drunk? Put away your wine.”

“Not so, my lord,” Hannah replied, “I am a woman who is deeply troubled. I have not been drinking wine or beer; I was pouring out my soul to the LORD. Do not take your servant for a wicked woman; I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”

Eli answered, “Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him.”
1 Samuel 1:10-17


Kara said...

Wow - Melissa - did you write this? You must have. Such an amazing metaphor for this journey you are on! And such a difficult one. Beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time.

Jennifer said...

Melissa this is just soul wrenching and beautiful! Thank you for sharing!

Unknown said...

Wow that was amazing. It brought me to tears. I lost my baby girl a few months ago and that poem is exactly how I felt as I was going through everything! Thanks for sharing that!

Lisette said...

What an amazing post!!!!! Thank you so much for sharing.

Melissa said...

mmmmm...stars.....love this. so glad my first lil star got to burn brightly for all his days. can't wait for the next one...

Katy Larsen said...

What a gift you have been given in yur writing. The metaphor is absolutely beautiful and the emotion is almost tangible---especially to those who know it well. Lots of love xoxo

CynthiaS said...

wow! All the other comments sum it up, thanks for posting!