Tuesday, July 13, 2010

super dad

In our family, everyone has their role to play.
When Noah falls (or more commonly smashes) into something and gets a boo-boo, he usually wants his mommy to make it feel better. As the sobs calm and the tears slow, we both look to Tim to do only one thing; fix it.
That's is what Tim does; he fixes things.
Sometimes his is able to fix something for me just by attempting to fix it.

On this journey there have been difficult days.
I have watched my husband struggle alongside me.
I can see his frustration and I know
he desperately wants to fix it.
But he can't.
He carries a heavy load as Super Dad.
He makes the forts, fixes the broken toys, and drives the car safely through the storms.
He's not perfect,
but Noah doesn't know that and neither does Amelia.
Sometimes I forget too...

Yesterday we had regular OB visit in the afternoon followed by a visit to Bergan Mercy to tour the new labor & delivery rooms/floor with our "nurse Angee" and then met with a hospice nurse and neonatologist to go over our plans for Amelia's birthday.

There were so many parts of yesterday that were challenging.
Not the least of which,
viewing the gowns the hospital has on hand
for babies like Amelia.
Gowns for babies whose parents did not come
to the hospital
prepared for a funeral.
Tim had to turn away.

This hurt is sometimes more than we can bear.
Sometimes I think about the sadness our Lord must feel
for us as we stumble through this life.
Just like any father
cannot stand to see their child hurting,
it must be hard, even for Him
to watch us hurting
knowing he has the power to heal Amelia.
Knowing he can fix it.

And still,
He has a plan for us.
He does not delight in our pain.
He just knows and sees what we cannot.
He has already fixed it.

My thoughts race back to Noah...
When he falls;
we pick him up and patch up whatever damage has been done
Apply a band aide,
a cold pack,
maybe Tylenol...
Sometimes his tears last long beyond what is reasonable.
But we let him cry it out.
It hurts to watch him,
but we just hold him until he is ready
to admire his Thomas the Train band aid
and everything feels
all better.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18


AmberV said...

I love this post and it is so true. The man in the family always seems to be the one to fix things. I don't know Tim but he seems to be a wonderful father, husband and a great overall person I cannot imagine the pain he must feel being helpless.
I think it is wonderful that Angee gets to help you through this too by being your nurse. I will continue to pray for your entire family.

CynthiaS said...

Thinking of you often as you move toward the day you meet little Amelia. Great verse at the end. Praying for the hand of God to continue moving you forward so gracefully. I know that it probably doesn't feel like you are going through this gracefully but from the other end of the journey, you have an awesome attitude and your faith in God will allow you to get through this.

Jennifer said...

Such a heartwrenching post. You and Tim are having to do things that no parents should. You truly are walking this path so gracefully. That can only come from allowing God to lead you. You guys are never far from my thoughts and always in my prayers.

AmyV said...

Very touching post, and true. Tim not being able to fix this has gotta be so hard on him. Men do tend to have the role of Fixer. You two are building strength in your marriage, and learning to lean on each other more than ever I am sure. Men usually don't tend to be emotional, but down deep they really are. That is wonderful that Angee will be assisting you during the birth. Thoughts, hugs, and prayers as you get closer to meeting Amelia.

pennynjon said...

I am so sorry that you are having to do these things that seem so impossible. They aren't things a parent should ever have to do. You and Tim are in my prayers! ((hugs))

Unknown said...

This post is very close to my heart. I needed to read this verse today. I really can't wait to get a bible of my own so that I may read scripture before bedtime or when I feel the need to heavily lean on the Lord.

many hugs and thinking of you much

JennyBean said...

Wow. Very touched. *sigh*