In the beginning I had no idea how long I would be blogging here.
At some point on this journey I committed myself to blogging every Wednesday until Amelia's first birthday
and then to reevaluate after that date passed.
I thought I might still blog weekly,
and then Sam was born. :)
It seems each time I have sat down to write a little something here...mommy duty has called.
We are still settling into life with a newborn and 3 year old boy in our home.
To say I am exhausted might be a bit of an under statement.
A friend of mine recently commented,
"can you imagine having three?!?"
to which I calmly replied, "I wish I had three."
I can assure you that in my most overwhelming of Mommy moments with my boys I would welcome a screaming one year old if it meant we could have her with us.
So, yes, I can imagine having three. I imagine it everyday. ;)
I forgot how much I love taking care of babies.
And I am going to kick myself for admitting this...but I just love folding baby clothes and putting them away.
Baby stuff is just so darn cute. (even the boy stuff)
Sam is getting bigger and bigger by the second.
This kid LOVES to eat.
I prayed that nursing would be stress free for the both of us and boy oh boy did our Lord deliver! My freezer is full of milk and Sam has been a rock star nurser since day one. After all the struggles I had nursing Noah, it has been a huge relief. Our lives have been filled with joy, peace and a little bit of chaos (the good kind)
since we brought little Sammy home.
What a blessing!
And still, we continue in our grief journey.
Along with all the fun and joys of having a newborn in the house,
it is a constant reminder of the baby girl we never got to bring home.
I miss her every single day, and I wonder how long will the shadows of grief haunt me.
How long will it break my heart to see little girl outfits in her size?
How long will I feel a twinge of jealousy as people around me announce the arrival of a healthy little girl?
I am in a phase of my grief where I have begun to feel embarrassed that these things are still difficult for me.
Maybe that is one of the reasons I have been slacking in my blogging. Maybe I have, in part, bought into the ideology that there is a time limit on grief. (which there most certainly is not)
Maybe I am just tired of saying the same things...feeling the same yucky things.
I just miss my girl.
I miss Amelia.
So Moses cried out to the LORD, “Please, God, heal her!”
“See now that I myself am he! There is no god besides me. I put to death and I bring to life, I have wounded and I will heal,
Tim and I found out we were expecting in November of 2009 and could not have been more thrilled! A little scared as to how we were going to handle a 2 year old and a new baby, but thrilled.
We have always known that God had special plans for our children. March 15, 2010, at a routine 20 week ultrasound, Amelia was diagnosed with Anencephaly; a fatal neural tube defect said to affect one child for every 1000 births and 3 in 10,000 live births.
Knowing her life expectancy after birth was only minutes to hours, we chose to carry Amelia to term and created this blog/journal to record her short time here on earth.
We hope to use this blog as both a journal and record of Amelia's time with us here on earth and as a way to share with family and friends the day to day joys and sorrows of this pregnancy. We believe that life is a precious gift of God and rejoice in the blessings God has given in our children.
God is good.
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14
For a long time there were only your footprints and laughter in our dreams, and even from such small things, we knew we could not wait to love you forever. Brian Andreas