Sam - 8 Weeks Old

(click image to enlarge)

been awhile since I really posted...

In the beginning I had no idea how long I would be blogging here.
At some point on this journey I committed myself to blogging every Wednesday until Amelia's first birthday
and then to reevaluate after that date passed.
I thought I might still blog weekly,
and then Sam was born. :)

It seems each time I have sat down to write a little something here...mommy duty has called.
We are still settling into life with a newborn and 3 year old boy in our home.
To say I am exhausted might be a bit of an under statement.
A friend of mine recently commented,
"can you imagine having three?!?"
to which I calmly replied, "I wish I had three."
I can assure you that in my most overwhelming of Mommy moments with my boys I would welcome a screaming one year old if it meant we could have her with us.
So, yes, I can imagine having three. I imagine it everyday. ;)

I forgot how much I love taking care of babies.
And I am going to kick myself for admitting this...but I just love folding baby clothes and putting them away.
Baby stuff is just so darn cute. (even the boy stuff)
Sam is getting bigger and bigger by the second.
This kid LOVES to eat.
I prayed that nursing would be stress free for the both of us and boy oh boy did our Lord deliver! My freezer is full of milk and Sam has been a rock star nurser since day one. After all the struggles I had nursing Noah, it has been a huge relief. Our lives have been filled with joy, peace and a little bit of chaos (the good kind)
since we brought little Sammy home.
What a blessing!

And still, we continue in our grief journey.
Along with all the fun and joys of having a newborn in the house,
it is a constant reminder of the baby girl we never got to bring home.
I miss her every single day, and I wonder how long will the shadows of grief haunt me.
How long will it break my heart to see little girl outfits in her size?
How long will I feel a twinge of jealousy as people around me announce the arrival of a healthy little girl?
I am in a phase of my grief where I have begun to feel embarrassed that these things are still difficult for me.
Maybe that is one of the reasons I have been slacking in my blogging. Maybe I have, in part, bought into the ideology that there is a time limit on grief. (which there most certainly is not)
Maybe I am just tired of saying the same things...feeling the same yucky things.
I just miss my girl.
I miss Amelia.

So Moses cried out to the LORD, “Please, God, heal her!”

Numbers 12:13

“See now that I myself am he! There is no god besides me. I put to death and I bring to life, I have wounded and I will heal,

and no one can deliver out of my hand.

Deuteronomy 32:39

Amelia's Baby Brother

Introducing Him Birth Announcement

Personalized cards for babies, graduation, and Mother's Day.

View the entire collection of cards.

I had intended to send out birth announcements this time.
(real one's, you know, the kind you send in the mail)

I didn't with Noah.
I didn't feel right doing it for Amelia.
And, now I just can't decide on a photo,
or layout,
or
card for that matter....for Sam.

I guess my kids are just too darn cute for a traditional birth announcement! ;)

Noah can dress himself...sort of.

What do you get when you tell a 3 year old
he can wear whatever he wants?

This.

Sam - 1 Month Today