Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Blessings - Her Voice

Amelia's life has blessed our family in so many ways, I had feared it would be difficult for me to choose a specific blessing to begin this series of blog entries.
Turns out it wasn't.

I often brainstorm for my blogs while driving my 35 minute commute to and from the newspaper. Noah is typically content reading a book or watching a movie and I rarely turn on the radio unless Noah requests a sing-along to one of his Veggie Tales Cd's. It is my quiet time. Unfortunately, this week he was seldom quiet. :/ But I have to give credit where it is due, as he actually gave me the idea for today's entry. Noah was reading one of his truck books out loud (no he can't read, but he has an excellent imagination!) when he called out from the back the voice Mom, which is his funny way of asking me to read and be the voices of the characters in the book.

As we anticipated Amelia's birth one of the many things I prayed for was that Amelia be born alive. I desperately wanted to meet my little girl and to hold her even for just a moment while she was living. I made numerous plans for how I wanted the day of her birth to be. Photographs, foot and hand molds, her baptism, who would be in the room, outfits for her to wear, special blankets and keepsakes, were all thought out and planned in great detail, perhaps in part because I could not plan for the one thing I wanted most for my daughter and for myself...time.

We knew that our time would be short, but just how much time we would be blessed with, we had no way of predicting. It was agonizing not knowing if she would be born alive or whether we would have seconds, minutes, hours or days with her. All I knew is that it would never be enough. Yet I struggled with my prayers for time with her living. As I began to pray for days I would recant and add, but not if she's suffering. In the end I resolved myself knowing that God's plans for her were perfect.

On the day of her birth, we had almost two hours with her before she quietly slipped away in my arms. It has occurred to me in the months following, that the heart of my prayer; was that I would get to see my daughter and to meet her, to know her full of life. God knew the deepest desire of my heart was to see her spirit and to hear her voice. He knew all of that without me even being able to express it in prayer and he blessed us with the sweetest of baby voices any mother has ever heard.

Which brings me to the blessing that I have chosen to reflect on today, Amelia's voice.
We have several short videos of Amelia in the hours she lived. I have watched them several times since she passed and I am so glad we have them because those recordings captured more than her gorgeous face or her perfect ten fingers and ten toes. They captured her voice.

I could listen to her voice over and over again and never tire of it.

I prayed for her to be born alive.
God heard my prayer and he blessed us with 2 hours full of life.
We got to meet her,
we got to hear her voice,
blessed doesn't seem a big enough word.

Although I have yet to share the recordings
(very selfish of me I know) ;)
I believe that in sharing her story I have become her voice.
I continue to be blessed by people's willingness to hear her story and the privilege that I have in telling it.
What a blessing to to be her voice!

It still amazes me today just how loud one little voice can be.

27 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from me, 29 for my Father has given them to me, and he is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father’s hand. 
John 10:27-30

And the Lord spoke to you from the heart of the fire. 
You heard the sound of his words but didn’t see his form; there was only a voice. 
Deuteronomy 4:12

1 And seeing the multitudes, He went up on a mountain, 
and when He was seated His disciples came to Him.  
2 Then He opened His mouth and taught them, saying:
       3 “ Blessed are the poor in spirit,
For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
       4 Blessed are those who mourn,
For they shall be comforted.
       5 Blessed are the meek,
For they shall inherit the earth.
       6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
For they shall be filled.
       7 Blessed are the merciful,
For they shall obtain mercy.
       8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
For they shall see God.
       9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
For they shall be called sons of God.
       10 Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake,
For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  
Matthew 5


Jennifer said...

This post is so completely spot on. I so wish that I could have heard Eli's voice. That and see his eyes. Jamie heard him cry some when he was born but I never did. You are so right when you say that the one thing we wanted more than anything was to see our children full of life. Even if it was brief, it was redemptive in a way. Love to you sweet friend!

Marsha said...

Melissa, Thank you for your beautiful words and memories of Amelia. YOU are truly one of God's blessings to us!

Rachel's Mama said...

I can almost imagine it...and even just thinking about her little voice makes me smile. That is one of the most difficult things for me with Rachel, that I didn't hear her voice. but someone once said to me "she may not have made a sound, but her voice roared!" and while it still doesn't give me that moment in time with Rachel that I wanted so much - it reminds me how loudly our sweet babies continue to speak into the hearts of others. They are such blessings. Thinking of you, so glad to hear your 'voice' again - I've missed you!

Unknown said...

It surely is a blessing to have been able to hear her voice. I prayed for Carleigh to be born alive too but it wasn't in God's plan for her. I can only imagine what it would have been like to meet her alive.

Kara said...

Oh, such a blessing! I would have loved to have heard Karinne's voice. But I am so thankful to have held her for the 10 minutes God blessed us with her alive in my arms.

bethany actually said...

You made me cry a little, in a good way. :-)